


Sex Ed Experts

by SVZ



Category: Glee
Genre: Blaine Anderson and Tina Cohen-Chang Co-presidents of New Directions 2012-2013, Blaine and Tina friendship, Gen, Male-Female Friendship, Sex Education, Sex Positive
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-09
Updated: 2012-07-10
Packaged: 2017-11-09 11:31:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/454965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SVZ/pseuds/SVZ
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sex-Ed pamphlets, finger puppets, and overly cheerful and sex-positive co-captains of New Directions, oh my!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Calls

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by ailuruses’ [art doodle.](http://ailuruses.tumblr.com/post/16220319507/ahhhh-i-was-laying-in-bed-and-had-this-vision-of)

Jason never really had a problem with New Directions.

Sure, it was kind of annoying when they started singing in in the middle of the cafeteria when he was trying to finish a lab report for sixth period. But they made school assemblies interesting and all the girls in the group were really  _really_  hot.

He never understood  _why_  they were the social pariahs of the school when half the members were on the football team or cheerleading squad, but it was just one of those Weird Unspoken McKinley High Traditions.

Kind of like how the best way to get out of Figgins’ office when you’re in trouble is to start mentioning vampires and the occult and run when he starts going with the Hail Mary’s. 

Things were slowly changing since New Directions won Nationals last spring and nearly all the seniors ended up at their first choice college; a new McKinley record. 

And they were _good_ colleges in places like New York and California - that wasn’t the McKinley norm. That was  _unheard_  of, since most students in Lima crossed their fingers and hoped that they got into Lima Community College or Ohio State at best.

But when people like Rachel Berry and Kurt Hummel got into New York schools because they liked to sing and dance? 

Jason knew that he and a lot of other people joined, not because Tina Cohen-Chang and Blaine Anderson were aggressively nice until they caved (although that was part of it - they would _just smile_ at you and hand you pamphlets until you agreed to give it a shot), but because they figured Glee had some sort of magic that would help them with college acceptances.

At worst, it was something else to add to his extracurriculars.

Glee club still wasn’t cool: it wasn’t a sport with letterman jackets, but it was acceptable and generally understood that it was a means to an end (getting into college and not ending up being a Lima Loser) and you can’t appear to enjoy the singing and dancing too much outside of the choir room.

“I think Blaine and Tina are planning something,” Sugar told Artie beside him, smacking her gum while they waited for everyone to show up for practice. “I saw them looking shifty at lunch today. I think they want us to burn down the school.” 

No sooner had she said those words did Blaine and Tina skipped into the room (literally skipped; sometimes Jason wondered if there was something wrong with them) carrying an armful of pamphlets and beamed at everyone in a thoroughly disconcerting manner.

That should have been the first clue. 

“We were talking to Ms. Pillsbury and she mentioned how she was upset that they cut Sex-Ed classes this semester,” Blaine said when the chatter died down. “She said she had all these pamphlets in her office but no one ever took them so Tina and I thought we could take over since this choir room is a  _safe space_.”

“We’ve done a lot of research,” Tina added, taking out a stack of computer print-outs from her oversized handbag.  ”So we’re here to answer any questions you may have.” 

Jason glanced at Mr. Schue, who bizarrely enough, seemed perfectly okay with turning their glee practice into a Sex Education Q & A Session. When he looked back at Tina, he saw that she was holding the pamphlets up to face them.

Jason could now read the stacks of pamphlets they were holding, pamphlets that said “SEX POSITIVITY”, “WE’VE ALL GOT OUR JUNK”, and “WHEN IS THE RIGHT TIME?”.

 He felt dread settling at the pit of his stomach. 

“First topic: masturbation!” Blaine grinned. “Tina and I thought about splitting everyone into boys and girls or by sexual preference, but we decided that the former was terribly heteronormative and the latter was a bit presumptuous.” 

Tina nodded solemnly. “It wouldn’t be fair to put you all on the spot if you’re not sure, questioning, or just not ready to come out yet.”

“What the shit,” Dave sputtered from his left. Jason could hear Sugar choking on her gum and Artie mumbling something about how they should have asked him for his input. Everyone else seemed too horrified to make a sound.

“Masturbation is  _perfectly_  normal and almost everyone does it,” Blaine said, in a low and soothing voice. ” I swear it doesn’t give you hairy palms - “

Tina rolled her eyes. “Blaine’s just naturally hairy.”

Blaine grinned, “It can be a solo activity, but it can also be a bonding experience with someone you care about -“ 

Jason was suddenly reminded that Blaine’s boyfriend was in New York and they probably - oh, ew.

He had nothing against them, but he really _did not_ need the mental image of his glee club co-president  _bonding_ with his boyfriend over the phone.  Or Skype. Or - whatever.

 _Boundaries._  

“Blaine and I made finger puppets,” Tina said cheerfully, rummaging through her purse. “And we wrote a couple of songs about the various pleasure points of the human anatomy and when no  _really_  means no.” 

… It was going to be a long practice. 


	2. The Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath; Monday morning.

“So,” Tina says. The amount of innuendo she managed to put in one word is truly impressive. It makes Kurt wonder if she had been taking notes from Santana because Tina even has the hands-on-her-hips, head slightly tilted, and terrifying cat-got-the-canary expression perfected.

Her flawlessly made up eyes keep scrutinizing his appearance, as if he’s wearing an neon that sign above his head that flashes ‘VIRGIN NO MORE’ that’s visible to everyone but him. 

He’s supposed he’s just imagining the last part. It’s his own fault for texting Tina before Blaine came over out of panic so of course _she_  knows. She had actually been very nice about him ruining her date night with Mike.

“Tina,” says Kurt, in as much as a neutral tone as he can muster in the situation. He shuts his locker and is somehow unsurprised when Tina trails after him, undoubtedly after details (and maybe she does deserve some of the dirt - but it’s private and he doesn’t want the whole school to know), even though her homeroom is at the opposite end of the building.

“How are you feeling?” Tina keeps up with his pace easily - it usually makes Mercedes remind him to slow down during their shopping marathons and confuses Finn because ‘Dude, where’d you have to be so fast? Slow down!’ - and she looks far too adorable and cheerful in her trendy bright yellow dress for it to be allowed on a Monday morning.

“I’m fine,” Kurt replies automatically, “I’m great, actually - Tina,  _are you checking out my ass_?” he lifts a lofty eyebrow at her. “Really?”

“Well, you wouldn’t answer any of my texts or questions,” Tina says, shrugging nonchalantly. “Should I be asking this question to Blaine then?” she asks, all innocence.

“We had the weekend to recover,  _Jesus_.” He stares at her.  Shaking his head at the ridiculousness of the situation, he asks wryly, “Are you done checking me out now?”

“Yeah, I think so,” Tina replies flippantly. As much as Kurt loves Tina for coming out of her shell, he has to admit that sometimes he misses the days when she wouldn’t dare say these things  _in the middle of the hallway_. Thank goodness there’s not a lot of people around and most people are still waiting for their caffeine to kick in. “Blaine’s in my homeroom, I think he’ll be more fun to interrogate.”

Kurt snickers in spite of himself. “Try not to undress him with your eyes, Tee.”

“No promises!” Tina calls behind her, as she starts in the direction of her homeroom as the five minute warning bell rings.

One of these days, he’s going to have to ask her how many espresso shots she has before school.

—

“How was… everything?” Mike asks Blaine at the start of their shared AP Biology class. “Was it…?”

“It was perfect,” Blaine tells him in a low voice, keeping an eye on the door for their teacher who is always notoriously late. “It really was. And uh, thanks for rescuing me from myself at CVS.” He coughs. “Not my finest moment.”

Mike squeezes Blaine’s shoulder in friendly, familiar manner. He smiles easily. “No problem. What are friends for, right?”

“Right,” Blaine says, startled but definitely not displeased and the emotion that he thinks he’s trying to pinpoint is  _gratitude_. That Mike is treating him like he’s one of the guys - that Mike considers him to be a friend. It’s different from Finn’s weirdness in New Directions and Puck and Artie’s strictly neutral but indifferent attitudes towards him. It’s… something that he had had missed since transferring Dalton. “Definitely.”


End file.
